The Meaning Of Life
by RealMenSparkle
Summary: ONESHOT! Bella thinks about forever and if thats what she really wants please please please R&R!


**A/N: Ok sorry if you're mad at me for not working on my other story instead of this but this came to me and I really wanted to write it so yeah. The beginning is kind of depressing (hehe) but keep reading the whole thing isn't like that. Sorry if its a little OOC, I tried I was really tired when I wrote this though. Hope you like it!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or New Moon**

_Is there a meaning in life? If so, what is it?? Isn't that the question everyone asks themselves at some point in time? Isn't it the scariest question out there? Think about it. You're born, you grow up little by little, experiencing thinkgs like getting sick and such. You go through school, only to get terrorized by other kids and tehn you graduate with your handsom, love of you life, highschool sweetheart of a boyfriend at your side. Maybe you decide to go to college but eventually you marry, if not your highschool sweetheart then someone else. You have kids and then probably get divorced seeing as how things go these days. You go through some hard times with yourself and forever corrupted children who are corrupted because of the divorce and they keep saying its all their fault and you try your hardest to convince them that it had nothing to do with them. "It was all Mommy and Daddy's fault." You tell them. Maybe you get a realy good job and meet somebody that works there with you and you fall back in love. You have another kid when you're forty and your first kid is thirty-five when the most recent one has gratuted and you're fifty-eight. You eventually retire dn end up somehow in a nursing home. Your husband dies of cancer and you're devastated. You pull through though but are never the same again. Eventually you start to get sick with old age and you die. Very exciting, not._

_It makes you think why you were put on this earth, or if you're religeous why God created you. For your whole life you ask yourself what the meaning in life is, and maybe you'll find it when you're old and withered or maybe when you're still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Or prehaps you'll figure out while reading this but not really paying attention because you're too busy contemplating the question. Me, I haven't found it yet, or maybe I have, I thought I did. But I don't really know, or even if I want to know if I know, it could scare me even more than I already am. We spend out whole lives wondering whats so great about "this" and trying to build somehting big out of something small. We spend our whole forever trying to make something out of ourselves and be successful when in really shouldn't matter because we are all going to die anyway._

I stared at the two pages I had just written in my notebook. I'm not really sure why I had written them, just that I had. Maybe I would show them to Edward, and try to explain to him that I really did want him to change me. That I really did want to be a vampire and that I wouldn't be mad at him for doing it. Only, what I had wrote, sounded more like I would rather die than live for forever. Or maybe it was my mind's way of telling me that I needed to answer the question, but I thought I had. I thought _my_ meaning in life was Edward. Nothing else mattered, so long as Edward was here, but then why did I write that? Did I really think that? Was I really that scared of forever?

I started to feel a new kind of fear, not the same one I felt when James came after me or when Victoria was chasing me, but a new one. I knew that I didn't want to think about this anymore so I got out my claculus book and started to do my homwork. I had been sitting there staring aimlessly at the problem for fifteen minutes now. I coudn't focus on it and my head felt blank. I looked at my nightstand where my notebook was sitting. I sighed and grabbed it reading over what I wrote. It didn't even sound like me.

I began to ask myself that same question again. Did really want to live for forever? I mean what was I supposed to do? I already found the love of my life, I'm two weeks away from graduating from highschool, I guess I could go to college but I didn't really have to, I could do that later, but Edward would want me to. I wouldn't be able to have kids if Edward changed me, I would never divorce him either. And I definitely wouldn't get old and die. So what was the point of me, or anyone for that matter, living on for forever?

I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door and jumped. I had been staring at my notebook, wrapped up in my own thoughts, I probably looked like an idiot. I looked up to my doorway and saw my angel standing in the doorway, smiling, at me. I blushed and looked back down at my notebook. I realized that I didn't want Edward to read it and folded it closed. I felt his stone arms wrap around my waist and his cold breath on my neck and he sat behind me and pulled me into his lap.

"How long have you been here?" I asked him.

"Not long," he replied, I nodded, "What were you thinking? You looked so... so confused." I sighed, I didn't want to start again with this arguement and I certainly didn't want him to know about the one I was having with my self so I said,

"Nothing." knowing that wouldn't satisfy him. He started to trail kisses down my neck and I watched as his hand slowly moved toward my notebook, knowing the answer was in there. I grabbed my notebook and hugged it to my chest, pulling slightly away from his kisses.

"That's not fair." I told him. He chucked.

"Yes, but I didn't like the answer I got." I frowned.

"So deal with it." I had turned myself around and was now whispering in his ear. I looked at the expression and watched as it morphed from a frown to a smile. I melted.

"Fine, I'll drop it but then you can't complain about the surprise I have for you." His crooked smile dazzled but I shook it off.

"Edward," I whined, "I really don't want any surp-" I was cut off by Edward's icy fingers on my lips, shushing me. He shook his head and smiled before leaning in and catching my lips in a breathtaking kiss. He pulled away and smiled at me and I knew that I was being stupid. He really was the meaning of my life. I was put on this earth to m ake him happy and he was here to do the same for me. He just had to wait a little longer than me.

**A/N: Ok so I know it's really short but I really wanted to write it lol please tell me what you think!!!!**

**review, Review, REVIEW!!!**

**-RealMenSparkle**


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